to, you.

because now it's never you

sleeping with one eye open

with my head on your pillow &

my feet on your carpet.

your hand on my heart &

your thoughts in my mind.

our love grows like trees,

like vines on my spine.

the freckles sprinkled on my shoulder blades

are your afternoon rainstorms.

your floral patterned retinas

reflected into my watercolor stained mirrors.

& I can't wait for the next 56.

so we grow mad together.

screaming our love across libraries, riding on the back of orca whales from state to state.

quilted hearts and colored cabinets

they way your footprints echo on the hardwood floor

the smell of our coffee in the morning with the sunshine

peeking through

the crease in your arm.

you know I'll never be satisfied with whats shown.

but I'll forever be satisfied with whats been given.

we will always be lost.

but now we will be lost together.

and I'm not scared.

we aren't stuck in this labyrinth anymore, thinking about how we will escape.

using the future to escape the present.

i was never ever enough.

but i can try, oh can i try.

there's so much happiness and longing for what you are.

there's no way to thank you for saving me.

space shuttle mission

never once.

don't do it.

i'm telling you don't do it.

you search for words.

i keep searching for meaning.

this feeling behind my chest as my air pollutes my vision.

like oil in the ocean.

breaking the surface.

like air from your lungs.

roaring from my veins.

the elephants charge up and down my nightstand.

the owls fly towards my ceiling.

you can't get out.

but you can get it.

it's not the same.

but it will be.

one day.

one day the tide will come in and it will act as if it never went out.

that day the ocean will forget who it truly is.

it will forget its purpose.

and elephants will run to the surface.

and they will cry.

and we will watch.

we will stand and watch.

our hope malfunctioned

we all reached and we fell.

seven.

we bid you goodbye.

cardboard

What kind of question is that?

"are you happy?"

with all acceptance and freedom and love and faith.

Turn around and look at the path you've beat down in the field you've traveled through.

lay in the broken blades of grass.

moisture soaks into your back as morning harmonizes with your previous choices an hour before.

you can't stop the world from spinning.

you can't stop your head from spinning.

Do you miss the way I looked at you?

You would drown.

Swimming so hard to hold on to some surface.

But you realized it. It took long enough.

There was no surface.

Nothing to grasp.

I'd sink deep.

You would sink deeper.

Then there were three.

Then there were two.

Then there were none.

The faucet kept dripping.

Your eyes kept blinking.

Our hearts keep beating.

your imagery. your words.

with trust

like rust

and love like northern pressure.

all i can say is never forget me.

all you can say is "never. never let anyone close that big open heart."

your filthy hand brushed my hair behind my ear.

my cardboard hands frayed your face.

the string i pulled below your left eye released everything you kept from me.

i set your lies free. you set my heart free.

your broken trust lays its palm on my cheek.

your overpowering love lays its cheek on my shoulder.

your shoulders are free without my weight of the world.

We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.




Maybe you should stop thinking "whats in it for me?"
Thats where your problem is.

Think.

When you think everythings going to get better.
When you think everything is going to fall in to place.
When you think everyone will automatically know you arent out to hurt anyone.
When you think its understood that you would never lie to a single soul.
When you thought you would never have to prove yourself to a single human.
When you thought people were self proclaimed "Christians" and you believed them.
When you thought that title would give you a sense of comfort.
When you thought the person that is there the most will trust you no matter what.

You obviously thought wrong.

-

You had the world in the palm of your hand.

Why would you throw that away?

Seeping between your fingers, dripping like water down to your elbows.

You had jealousy sprinkled on your skin, like the freckles sun kissed on your shoulders.

I breathe in and taste it on my tongue.

Rarity has become too ordinary for my heart to handle.

You know we're all taking this too serious.

Relax and let your shoulders fall.

You're free now, don't you see?

You're free.

Yesterday

a stranger walked by me and said "hey. wake up."

and now I'm here. Left to think. Am I dreaming?

Is this all a dream?

Maybe I'm still...well I can't think of a better term than "honey moon phase" of me moving. Maybe I am completely blinded by all that is good thats come that I'm ignoring reality.

Maybe thats a bad thing.

But all I can say is good. I don't want to wake up if I'm dreaming.

I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I know for so many people in this world, their dream is to pack up and move.

To a new city where absolutely no one knows their name. Their background.

To make a whole new life for yourself, when you get sick of the old one.

Is that wrong?

I like being wrong.

New job. New friends. New everything.

I love waking up. Riding my bike downtown. Getting starbucks. People watching. Getting winded going up these massive inclines. This cold weather. My new room. My job. The people at my job. The people I meet everyday. Getting to know so many new people. So many people getting to know me. I am genuinely happy here.

Its been a month. I haven't missed Texas one time.

So you know what stranger?

No.

I don't want to wake up.