loss of words

This is incredible. Reading this brings back the most interesting memories. At the same time I feel as if someone just punched me in the stomach. I can't breathe. I can not believe how much every things changed. In old posts I talked about being in Maryland a lot...how I could never survive there because I have so much here.

Now, I have nothing here.

Now, I can't wait to run away.

I can not wait to be back there. And I get to stay.

I've come so far. This journey has made me the person I've always wanted to be. I've gotten so close to God. I know him so well. He knows me so well. Yet I'm nothing I like. I hate myself. I have a problem and I'm not afraid to let anyone know. It's hard to be happy with yourself. To love yourself. But it's even more difficult when you loving yourself gets in the way when trying to love others. It's impossible. No matter how hard I try. I can't make anyone happy because I can't make myself happy.

I can not wait to experience the change of seasons. Make new friends. See snow fall every morning. Enjoy life once again.

I've never been so unhappy. Please help me, I'm begging you.


Also...why did I used to be so political? How dumb. I hate politics.

I'm such a different person from last November. I can't believe it.